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A cascade of words parade around,
with thoughts of atoms and connotation.
She is brilliant, they say,
but she knows she is lost.

Numbers are her companion,
she understands their mean, average.
Words can twist her brain,
she loves the wonder they bring.

She is intelligent, they say,
but sometimes,
she doesn't feel clever enough.
Sometimes she feels clever too much.

Excusez-moi, in perfect French,
but nothing is gained by perfect word tense.
She is clever, they say.
But she is not clever the way they know.

She sees things as they are,
and she prefers her thoughts to the world.
She knows she loves them more than they in return,
and her friends will be there until they wont.

Friends reassure her, you'll be okay,
she puts a smile on her face.
She loves them as much as any,
even though there aren't many.

They bring out the best in her,
the happy girl,
not swamped by words.
The one who isn't drowning in formula.

Test scores and numbers don't mark you smart,
she knows this now,
engraved in her heart.
IQ can't buy you happiness.

Inside, she knows she's smart.
Smarter than all of them,
because she looks in the mirror,
and sees what she is.

There are not numbers to comfort her,
she cannot measure her heart.
She sees the world is cruel and harsh,
so she bitersweetly smiles along.

Silence and books are safety,
but still she longs for more.
So she sits with a notebook and a pen,
and waits for the knock on her door.
So this is rambly and hard to understand, and if you get it, bravo to you. -internet cookie-
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012   Writer
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, I love your title, as it draws one in immediately. I am left wanting to know why the intelligent are sad, even though my brain already thinks it has figured out the answer.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

ST 1
L2 - I would change 'connotation' to 'connotations' as it seems to make more sense in the plural as you have 'atoms' as plural.

ST 2
L2 - this line is missing something, I would add another 'mathematical' term after 'average' or change it to 'their mean, their average'.
L3 - I think it would be best to keep this ST as a mathematical one. To go from maths to words is a leap that my brain struggles with.

ST 3
L4 - 'clever too much' should be 'too clever'

ST 4
L1/2 - here you have a subtle rhyme, but it is not distracting so I would leave it.
L4 - I would add 'in' between 'clever' and 'the'. Alternatively I would actually change it to 'she is not clever like them' or 'in their way'

ST 5
L3 - I would add 'love her' between 'they' and 'in'
L4 - you are missing the apostrophe in won't

ST 6
L3/4 - again you have a subtle rhyme here, but it is more 'in your face'. I would try and change it some way so that the rhyme is either not as obvious or not there at all.

ST 7
L4 - I would make 'formula' plural

ST 8
L1 - did you mean 'mark' or 'make'?
L3 - I would change the period to a semi-colon

ST 9
/

ST 10
L1 - I would change 'not' to 'no'
L3 - I would insert 'that' between 'sees' and 'the'
L4 - 'bitersweetly' should be 'bitter-sweetly'

ST 11
I don't like the rhyme to end off the piece, as the rest of it isn't in rhyme at all. I would definitely change this. It is distracting and makes one wonder why it is there. It almost spoils the ending, which in turn almost spoils the piece.

Overall:
Your punctuation is great, as is most of your grammar.
This is a very interesting concept and you have written it well.

:star::star::star::star::star-half:
Jo
Reply
:iconthewitchofgrich:
theWitchofGrich Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012
beautiful... and so true....
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :)
Reply
:iconkikumizu:
KikuMizu Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
I like cookies :)

It is hard when people don't tell you you are smart but at the same time, people could tell you you are smart and feel as if you aren't. I've been told many times that I am smart, that I am talented but then, I think, why do I do stupid things?
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
exactly..
Reply
:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant!
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thanks!
Reply
:iconnicolawingeddeity:
NicolaWingedDeity Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
She knows she loves them more than they in return,
and her friends will be there until they wont.~
Ouchh.... that right there just killed me... :heart:
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
</3
Reply
:iconnicolawingeddeity:
NicolaWingedDeity Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
... :huggle:
Reply
:iconhgreader823:
hgreader823 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Student General Artist
*enjoys internet cookie, but still feels a little sad*
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconnekoninja13:
NekoNinja13 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
this is how i feel honestly
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconmistydawnamara:
MistyDawnAmara Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i think just the same. the girls i talk with in first block say im really negative, but im not really a negaitive person. im a realist. the world is full of guns and roses and the roses all have thorns.
Reply
:iconakky3210:
akky3210 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah. It's like you're describing me in my bad moments to a t.

The first two lines are absolutely jawdrop-worthy. There are a couple of stanzas where the rhythm feels a bit off, but other than that it's brilliant. It has a wonderful mood about it. Brilliant! (And here's a cookie for you, too: :cookie:)
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconakky3210:
akky3210 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconmtlgrl92:
MtlGrl92 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
Wow this is how i felt when i was younger I didn`t know how to interact with kids my own age very well, so i read and the more i read the more isolated i became.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know the feeling...
Reply
:iconkaraniel:
Karaniel Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
How did you do that? It fits so perfectly on so many people. I often think, that I think too much about my friendships. And then I start thinking, that I should stop thinking and actually go and be friends with them. And then im back at the beginning.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3 and I feel the exact same way.
Reply
:iconcatcherryenova:
CatcherRyeNova Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
Inside, she knows she's smart.
Smarter than all of them,
because she looks in the mirror,
and sees what she is.

There are not numbers to comfort her,
she cannot measure her heart.
She sees the world is cruel and harsh,
so she bitersweetly smiles along.

Silence and books are safety,
but still she longs for more.
So she sits with a notebook and a pen,
and waits for the knock on her door.

- I loved the way you expressed the thoughts in the form of a poem. I could relate to this. Great job.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thanks!
Reply
:iconcatcherryenova:
CatcherRyeNova Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
Your welcome..I have posted only one poem on my page. One of my first attempts at writing. You could check it out if you like. Would value your opinion.
Reply
:iconkevindevries:
kevindevries Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012
Great one. Can relate to this. The more you learn about anything the less you know about everything.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlensreflex:
LensReflex Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Professional Photographer
I can identify so much with this :iconcryforeverplz:
Wonderful job :clap:
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconlensreflex:
LensReflex Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Professional Photographer
You're welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconsovereignsin:
SovereignSin Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
This was wonderful. It's a shame that it really does feel like a curse sometimes. The simple answer, it seems, would be for the intelligent to congregate, but being smart enough to know there's a risk of being hurt regardless of who you're dealing with is a part of the problem. Regardless, this piece was beautiful, and if you're writing from experience, dear, know that intelligence is only as lonely as you allow it to be. Brilliance radiates and attracts brilliance.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! and I know... it's just hard.
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
It's the final stanza that really dragged me into this piece... I've felt that feeling much too often... Being intelligent really can be a curse sometimes. Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem! :) The flow is incredible, and the emotion is well-placed. Excellent work!
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   General Artist
:boogie: i like her! great voice/tone/vision :headbang: this rocks!
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :)
Reply
:iconnitswitch:
nitSwitch Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student General Artist
I understand this very much.
Being intelligent comes with it's consequences.
Many people say I am intelligent. They say I am excelled in everything I do. I think being intelligent is stressful and lonely. No one will understand that my so called "intelligence" does not come from my grades and they will never understand the way I perceive the world.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes it does... I don't get fantastic grades, I don't consider myself brilliant, but I understand numbers better than people
Reply
:icon2wingo:
2wingo Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's a lesson I learned a long time ago: To be smart is to be alone.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it is. Although you don't have to be completely alone, but you'll never completely be a part either
Reply
:icon2wingo:
2wingo Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
True. The sad fact about being of high intelligence is that we are vastly outnumbered, and being solitary by nature, we don't take naturally to congregating in large numbers.
Reply
:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My God, thank you. I really needed this. There were a few errors in grammar, but I liked it nonetheless.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks <3 and I'm glad you liked it. And sorry about the grammer >.< I really suck at it.
Reply
:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nah, it's fine. It was good enough to be able to read it, and interesting enough to keep reading it. The story is what is important.
Reply
:iconwintaria:
Wintaria Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student General Artist
This is gorgeous. I'm by no means intelligent [in my own opinion, idk how others way see me], but I understand this, and how it can bring a despair and loneliness.
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3 I'm not exactly as bright as some people, but this stemmed from the fact that I really love math and no one else understands it..
Reply
:iconwintaria:
Wintaria Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh I understand; but not with Math. In my family I have achieved the highest math out of all 10 of us, but because of some delays last year, I'm repeating my previous math class :(. But English and Sciences and History just come to me so easily. And I love having hw from those three subjects, because I excel in them rather easily, and I can leniently touch on a main point in essay questions and 100%. And so my friends are always like 'hahaha, you're crazy! I hate this!' and no matter how hard I try to help them they just don't understand my drive to know more. So, I'm not gifted in the math department, but I understand what you mean from my love of other subjects. :) I envy those who love math. Numbers like to give me grief. I try to be open-minded, but *sigh* I guess I'm just not out for it!
Reply
:iconluckyclover38:
LuckyClover38 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha I love chem.
Perfect mix of science and math.
I can't write worth anything though >.< so props to you for that.
Reply
:iconwintaria:
Wintaria Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student General Artist
erm, that poetic slice of writing you just presented is definitely worth something! And ah, I have a love hate relationship with Chem. I just started it, and the science part is a piece of cake! But the math, oh the math... Conversions and sig figs are getting to my head. I feel that I'm maybe just letting fear get in the way, so hopefully I'll master it as easily as the other sciences. I really like the basics of it though!
Reply
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