Sta.sh
Her voice was a hushed leaf-
it bent in the breeze and only carried
to those who chose to hear.
"Flowers are a lot like us."
She whispered to the wind-
"The spout different shades and hues
from rosy pinks to springtime blues.
Some bloom early and some come late,
and every blossom has a seperate fate.
Some are big and some stay small,
but that's no reason not to love them all.
They can be round, pointed, or bent a bit,
and each has a certain uniqueness to it.
Every flower bends different to the wind,
some stand tall and some give in.
But you see, flowers are a lot like us.
Regardless of shape, size, color, or strength,
every flower blossoms beautifully-
as long as no one cuts it down
before it gets the chance."
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Firstly, I love the theme behind this. That everyone is beautiful if given the chance to believe so (at least that's the theme I got out of it).
Now, the crit:
The very first thing I noticed were some grammatical errors. In L6 you mention "The sprout different...". The "the" should be a "they". Then in L14 you mention that "...different to the wind". The "to" should be 'in'. Also, in the same line you mention 'different' when it should be 'differently'.
Another thing that bugged me was the sudden change to rhyme in the middle. The beginning and end have no rhyme scheme, but suddenly you start rhyming in the middle. This made me want to check if the beginning actually had a rhyme to it, which was distracting me from reading the poem. I would try to either write the entire thing in rhyme or not. The rhyme itself has a different rhythm to the beginning and the end, which also upsets the flow of the piece.
As mentioned, I love the theme and idea behind this.
You have punctuated this very well.
Good Points
Theme/Idea
Spelling
Punctuation
Points to Work on
Grammar (a bit)
Rhyme vs No Rhyme
Jo
My only suggestion regards the the second and third lines, 'it bent in the breeze and only carried
to those who chose to hear.'
I really like that line, and it could be perceived so many ways! However, I think saying a voice 'only carried to those who chose to hear' is a bit choppy. I'd recommend something along the lines of, 'only was heard'.
Otherwise, this is an amazing piece! Well done!